I think it's time to realistically look where I'm at and where I'm thinking about going. I'm struggling with what my dreams are with what is practical in terms of something that is achievable and will still make me happy in terms of my career as a Lighting Designer and Technician.

I first started doing lighting in the special events industry back in 2005 and instantly fell in love with the physicality but the art of transforming a space for an event that ideally would never be forgotten.

I still have maintained that love to this very day as I'm still quite active in the industry.

2006-7 saw me expand into the world of club, live band and masquerade lighting. I fell even more in love with lighting and really saw this as an opportunity to go in a new direction. After working in that industry for 2-3 years I had to go back and re-focus on events as I lost my job and needed the money and the money was good.

2009 saw me getting more into theatre and dance companies where I had the opportunity to design my first ever stage/live performance shows from the ground up. No outsiders influencing me and I had the opportunity to explore who I was as a designer as well as build some much needed skills.

2009 also saw my return to college in the form of post baccalaureate study in order to gain the necessary design, drawing, rendering, programming and drafting tools needed in order to enter the field as a truely professional lighting designer. I had the opportunity to really explore and grow as a designer while gaining the necessary tools I would need to break into and survive in the industry. This continued through 2010.

I also was struggling with a significant disability during this period and decided to leave school after only a year and a half in order to put what I'd learned to the test and design shows as well as work on myself and give myself the necessary tools and skills needed to live with my disability and make the most of it in relation to my job and career goals.

2011 saw my busiest and best year yet. I decided to truly focus on building my theatrical portfolio as I was tired of showing my electrician's portfolio every time somebody interviewed me. I designed a total of 12 stage shows during that year. Nearly all of them were world premiere, never before seen or produced works and built a small fortune in self confidence in my abilities.

Towards the end of the year and the designs were slimming down I got into consulting for a theatre that's part of the University of Pennsylvania, Philadelphia and a Bar/Restaurant in Philadelphia as well. The opportunity to build from the ground up an entire lighting rig and overall interior lighting design for the space is an opportunity that I'm eternally grateful for and will never forget. Plus the opportunity to advise such a well known space in a well known University is absolutely mind blowing.

New Years 2011 saw me at a party with an old friend who also happens to be good friends with an Electrician with Cirque Du Soleil. One of my dreams is to one day get a job with them, tour and get an opportunity to work on their resident Tokyo show "Zed" She told me to update my resume and get it to her and that she'd introduce me to see if I had the necessary skills and talent to be able to get a job within the organization.

I have also decided at this point that I would love to either be in or completed an MFA Program by the time I'm 35. I'm 31 years old right now and will be 32 this year.

Now I'm at yet another crossroads.

My friend who got me my first ever job with the special events company, who has been one of my biggest supporters and trainers for these past 6 1/2 to 7 years this year has been advising me to step back from theatre and live band production and to instead attempt to get a job as an Account Executive/ Event Production Designer. He seems to believe, as do a few other trusted friends, that that is truly where my talents lie and that I would be very successful doing it.

The question is, do I really want to give up my love and passion and dreams for a Masters Degree in Theatrical/Fine Performing Arts Lighting Design and my dream to one day live and work as a Designer in Japan (what kind of designer, I have no idea!) in order to forge a career as an Event Production Designer.

I don't know yet. Part of me is terrified to try but part of me is thrilled at the idea of being the person to create that special event (like their wedding, release party, birthday party, graduation, etc. )

I know that I have drive. I know that I have talent. I know that I have vision. I know that I have intelligence. I know that I have the passion.

I just don't know where I want to focus all of my energy and time into doing quite yet. Plus I have no idea how long it's going to take me to reach that conclusion.

Time to do some job hunting, company research, industry trends, technology, etc.

Any advice is greatly appreciated and if somebody knows of a company either in the Philadelphia or Washington, DC markets that's looking for an event designer/account executive send them my way!