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Maybe a FREE CELL PHONE WITH EACH  PURCHASE too!!..with required 6yr. service contract.


Actual sign. Very LARGE. No kidding. Black Friday, of course.  It was hanging over a shoe store. Duh!

Why didn’t the sign just say, “ THE CHEAPEST PAIR OF SHOES WE HAVE IN THIS STORE IS $6.79!! COME IN AND LET US TELL YOU ABOUT IT…And we will also tell you that we only have one pair that fits you, so you better go put up a tent in the mud the night before, stand in line with a bunch of other people who don’t have a life either, and think that buying a cheap pair of shoes is worth smelling other people’s feet all night.”… Why or why do we have to complicate things and mislead? Is this one of the many things that is wrong with our society? Or… is it because this is a lighting blog and I really need so mention something about lighting? Like ALL VARILIGHTS $6.79…and up?

Okay…Is it that we can’t figure out how to make a decent piece of Cat5?!! Why does my $42,000 light board have to be “connected” by a $24 piece of crap cable that breaks if you look at it funny?  Even at $24 I feel like I’m being ripped off.  Media cables and connectors? WHAT A FREAKIN’ RACKET!!! The $18 HDMI to DVI adapter I just bought at Target for my home TV probably cost GE Corp. about 16 cents to make, and I’m sure most of that was for “health benefits.”  Probably for some kind of foreign labor that thinks “health benefits” means their boss only hits them with a pointy stick 6 times a day instead of 12. Hey, they’re just trying to make a living. Just like me.  Such as it is.
Anyway…I see this giant sign and my curiosity gets tweaked…

I stop my car, go inside, and ask the first clerk I see: “ I would like to a purchase a $6.79  pair of shoes, please. Black. Size 10.”

Well, the clerk, who was wearing a nametag that said, “ROBERT, not Rob, or Robby, or Bob, or Bobby,  but ROBERT!!”  looks me over and says: “Uhmm….Sorry, sir. I don’t think we have any more of those. Sold out of those at 5:10 am. Very popular size. Very popular color. So sorry. I guess you should’ve slept in a tent. Could I interest you in something else? A cell phone perhaps?”

So, I say to him, “Hey, Bob, can I walk around with your cell phones on my feet? If they cost $6.79 and have a good fit, I’ll take ‘em, Robby boy!”

NOTE: I don’t know about you, but the last time I bought a pair of $6.79 shoes I was…Wait a minute!...I don’t think I’ve ever bought a new pair of $6.79 shoes. At least that didn’t fit on my kids’ Barbie Doll. In my line of work, shoes are very important. The only problem with any new pair of shoes is this: You never know if they’re any good until you’ve walked around them in for about 16 hours on concrete floors, while yelling at some audio guy about his freakin’  75’ tall speaker stack that’s blocking your lights. When I pay $6.79 for a pair of shoes, I expect QUALITY, you know?  Uhhuh.   So, I tell the sales guy the sign says “ALL SHOES $6.79. I want to see those shoes. I want to see the $6.79 shoes, please.”

And he says,  “Don’t forget about the ‘and up’ part.

“Aahhh,” I say. “The little part at the end? Is that important?”

The clerk says, “Yes, it is. Unfortunately, I think you might have not really read the whole sign. Just skimmed it.”

“Skimmed it? ” I say.

Yes, that is correct, sir,” he says.  “You only saw the parts you wanted to see.”

“Aahh,” I say. “Isn’t that large sign slightly misleading?”

Bobby, stares at me and flicks some fuzz off his nose, “No, don’t think so. The words are right there for all the world to see. No misleading at all. You just didn’t read the whole sign. Just like my nametag, You skimmed it. You’re a product of the Internet, Web Browsing,  Googling Generation. You don’t know how to really read anything. Skimming is all you have time for.”

“Skimming? Kind of like reading Cliff Notes?” I say.

Yes, If you had taken the time to read the ENTIRE sign you would have seen the ‘and up’ part and we wouldn’t be having this discussion.”

“So, are you telling me you don’t have ANY $ 6.79 shoes?”

“Yes, sir. Very sorry. You should’ve have gotten here sooner. We had a whole truck load then.”

“Well,” I say. “Have you any other shoes that you think might satisfy my needs?”

“No. Not for $6.79....BUT…we might have some other options. Maybe…some ‘and up’ models…a little more expensive.”

“Aahh…Here’s the catch,” I thought. “More expensive, eh?...How much more?”

He glances at his watch, then his nametag, “I think we might have something in the $6.82 to $6.88 range. Higher priced, I know. But worth it.”

“Is there a BIG difference from $6.79 to $6.82?” I say.

“Yes. Definitely.  Definitely. Subtle differences though. Very subtle.”

“How subtle?” I say.

“Well, You know those plastic things that you poke through the shoe holes when you tie them?”

“Yes,” I say. “When they come off, you have to lick the ends to make it so you can stick it through?”

“Right. Well. The $6.82 models have tips that are made from Kevlar. Just like bullet proof vests.”

“Impressive,” I say. “In my line of work you can’t be too careful. I’ll take 3 pair.”

As I leave the store, my new cell phone rings, but I don’t hear it because my shoes were squeaking so loudly that every dog in the neighborhood was barking and squealing like I was carrying a mail pouch.


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Comment by cody stoltz on November 28, 2011 at 1:13am

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